Hotdog Sandwich

Ah, the age old question:

Is a hotdog a sandwich?

Those who have partook in the wild world of glizzy classification surely know what a beast this question is. The controversy sparked herein has been known to drive friends apart, split atoms, and break brotherly bonds. This question should be relegated to the underworld and henceforth not discussed unless all peace and sanctity be defiled. When pondering whether you should discuss this question with loved ones, coworkers, and others with whom you'd like to remain in acquaintance; take heed. Add this topic to the list of politics and religion... think twice.

Nevertheless, we desire a definitive answer. This question and others like "Is water wet?" make even full-grown adults feel like imbeciles. We must rise above the folly of such questions. You've come to the right place, I have the answers. Read on.

What is a sandwich?

Well then, let's get into this enigma. It is often believed that there is a prerequisite question before we can tackle "is a hotdog a sandwich?" and that prerequisite is "what is a sandwich?"... Many folks chase this tangential question and get stuck. Here are some answers I've often seen.

• A sandwich is bread that wraps around some meat (this often leads to a hotdog being a sandwich)
• A sandwich consists of two slices of bread and some form of meat in the middle (this is a popular argument for a hotdog not being a sandwich)

In 2006, there was even a kerfuffle between Panera and Qdoba about whether a burrito can be classified as a sandwich. The result is a legal case that declared an unambiguous definition of "sandwich". It was said that a sandwich is “two thin pieces of bread, usually buttered, with a thin layer (as of meat, cheese, or savory mixture) spread between them”. Read more here if you are interested -> https://minnesotalawreview.org/2019/02/22/constructing-the-sandwich/.

Now, I personally take great issue with the definition outlined above. I come from a mathematics and programming background and I know that we can invalidate this definition using a proof by contradiction. Informally, if we assume that a sandwich must consist of bread, but we also know that an ice-cream sandwich contains no bread at all, we can see that our original assumption is invalid.

Another issue with the definition outlined above is the requirement of 2 slices of bread. Every major "sandwich" shop I can think of serves sandwiches on bread that is not fully sliced through. Subway, Jersey Mike's, Cappriotti's ... the list goes on and on. Are these not sandwiches because there is only 1 contiguous piece of bread in representation?! Poppycock!

My definition of a sandwich

To me, a sandwich (noun) is anything that is being sandwiched (verb). Imagine you are in the backseat of an economy class sedan between two rugby players. You and the two rugby players have formed a rugby sandwich. No bread is involved at all! It could be argued that meat was involved in this case, but that's beside the point. My preferred Merriam-Webster definition of sandwich (verb) is as follows:

• to make a place for -> often used with in or between (https://www.merriam-webster.com/dictionary/sandwich)

Notice that the definition does not exert opinions on the context of the usage of sandwich. It is a pure and beautiful definition.

What is a hotdog?

One question that many neglect when answering "is a hotdog a sandwich?" is "what is a hotdog?". I believe that when you embark on answering this question, you are well on your way to a satisfying conclusion. Here's my take:

A hotdog is a piece of processed cylindrical meat.

Notice that I also mention nothing of bread. Many jump to the conclusion that a hotdog is the combination of cylindrical meat and a bun, but take heed my friends, this is a frivolous, hasty, and incautious way to live life.

An example

Let's suppose you and I were sitting around a campfire and you asked me to cook you a hotdog. A few minutes pass, we sing kumbaya, and I slap a cylindrical piece of meat in your hands. Besides the fact that the hotdog is likely moist and unsatisfying to touch, are you surprised? What did you expect?

I have given you exactly what you asked for: a hotdog. You may have made the assumption that I would provide a complimentary bun. I did no such thing. This is your fault. We as humans commonly refer to the entire apparatus (hotdog + bun) as just “hotdog”. This is fine, but we haven't come up with a different term for just a singular hotdog with no bun! This leads to ambiguity and ambiguity makes questions difficult to answer.

The truth

Is a hotdog a sandwich? No! A hotdog is a cylindrical piece of processed meat!

What is a hotdog placed into a bun? A hotdog sandwich! We often abbreviate this to just "hotdog", but the true formal term for this is hotdog sandwich.

In reality

If someone asks me "is a hotdog a sandwich?" I shall henceforth ask a follow-up question in order to avoid an unneeded kerfuffle. I'll ask "is the hotdog in a bun?". If yes, then yes. If no, then no.

This has been my take. What do you think? If there's something I missed or hadn't considered, shoot me a message at jowtow.dev@gmail.com